The Anime Spoof
by Kuroi Yosei
Summary: *quite a few parts include tenchi chars* What happens when you put together many anime characters from random animes, with a crazy author? Rated R for veRy waRped HumoR ^.~
1. Tenchi's Balls

The Anime Spoof!!! ^_^  
  
  
  
Chapter 1- Tenchi's Balls  
  
  
  
***It is I the omniscient, omnipotent narrator, the one who knows all and creates all. Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! I'm known as Okami Ryu, but you already figured that out didn't you, didn't you *high pitched childish voice*. Anyway this is my story, which means that it doesn't necessarily follow any of the animes plots, nor do I own any of the characters except myself who might pop in from time to time. I'm just having fun with the characters and taking *some* of the anime's plots into context, not all because this is MY STORY GET IT! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! *Note to self: gottta stop having homicidal tendencies followed by maniacal laughter* ***  
  
  
  
It was late at night when Ryoko decided to take a walk out into the cool summer air. On her walk she happens to fall upon Tenchi who is apparently sleepwalking, even though Ryoko doesn't notice, after having taken some type of drug that Washu gave him, purely for scientific research of course :)  
  
  
  
-Ryoko: Ohhh Tenchi what are you doing up so late!  
  
  
  
-Tenchi: *snore... grumble snort* *some strange zombie like sounds*  
  
  
  
-Ryoko: Tenchi??? I'm coming to save you from your terrible nightmares!  
  
  
  
So Ryoko runs up to Tenchi and gropes him until she realizes he's not conscious due to his lack of reaction. In the midst of all this groping she notices his balls. NOT THOSE YOU SICKOS!!! The ones on his sword. She decides NOT to wake him up and run off with his balls. (Stop thinking such dirty thoughts you guys are soo sick!!!)  
  
  
  
-Ryoko: Heh, finally their mine, all mine!!! *pant pant* Gotta stop running... I should exercise more... meh who cares I now have the ultimate power. Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!  
  
  
  
Then Ryoko feels a big *thunk* and turns around. Behind her she sees... Ohh the suspense is killing you isn't it heh heh heh... And she sees... What if i keep you waiting ehh, what will you do huh, What if i never finish this sentence, what can you do about it... And she sees... Shinji piloting his big f***ing Eva.  
  
  
  
-Ryoko: Uh oh *tiny mouse-like voice*  
  
  
  
-Shinji: You'll be giving that man his balls back now!!! (Stop it you sickos, I know what your thinking and it's not right) And don't forget to say sorry!  
  
  
  
-Ryoko: I didn't steel 'em I swear, I was just temporarily borrowing his balls (freaks) that's all. No need to tell me off in that mild and compassionate voice.  
  
  
  
So Ryoko had to give Tenchi his balls (sickos) back, and once Shinji was satisfied with her apoplogy, since he is the expert on that you know, he took off to find Asuka's sanity. Ryoko went back to bed having Tenchi *ahem* accidentally fall on top of her. Tenchi was none the wiser.  
  
  
  
***That's all for now but be back soon for the next chapter entitled Asuka's sanity, unless of course i loose my sanity before then and decide to change it. Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!*** 


	2. Asuka's Sanity

The Anime Spoof ^.^  
  
  
  
Chapter 2-Asuka's Sanity  
  
  
  
***I guess I didn't lose my sanity. Or maybe I did and I'm not going to tell you. Or maybe, just maybe, I never had it!!! 0.o***  
  
  
  
The next morning Tenchi wakes up with a pounding headache. He's not quite sure as to why he happens to be lying on top of Ryoko. He doesn't seem to remember any of the events from the past twenty-four hours, and feels like he's gonna puke. Now listen kids DRUGS ARE BAD FOR YOU!!! Hoping that maybe Washu might have a cure or an explanation for the way he feels, he stumbles off to Washu's laboratory.  
  
  
  
-Tenchi: Washu what's wrong with me??? I feel terrible and I woke up this morning lying on top of Ryoko but I don't remember how I got there.  
  
  
  
-Washu: It's okay Tenchi. You'll be fine, I just gave you some. *trailing off* WHAT!!! WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY? THAT RYOKO, SHE'S GONNA GET IT!!! First I create her now this. *she mumbles to herself*  
  
  
  
Washu storms out leaving Tenchi behind in the dust.  
  
  
  
-Tenchi: Uhh Washu. Help!?! *whimpers pathetically*  
  
  
  
In some parallel universe or other, or maybe even the same one, it's your choice really, Shinji is looking to find Asuka's sanity.  
  
  
  
-Shinji: Now where did she leave it cause last time I checked she had it on her. *talks to himself for lack of others to talk to*  
  
  
  
Shinji keeps on looking to the many edges of the infinite universes but what he searches for is nowhere to be found. Then he just happens to run into Asuka herself.  
  
  
  
-Asuka: Shinji!!! What are you doing? Stand up and be a man! Sit down and shut up! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!  
  
  
  
-Shinji: Uhh. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. *reflexive reaction when there is nothing else he can think of to do. it's a hobby really*  
  
  
  
-Asuka: I'm leaving you for good this time!  
  
  
  
-Shinji: Good riddance. *oops did he just say that out loud or can Asuka read his mind. you'll never know.*  
  
  
  
-Asuka: WHAT!!! What did you just say?  
  
  
  
-Shinji: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.  
  
  
  
Asuka leaves, dropping behind her more of what little sanity she had left. Shinji weeps uncontrollably on the floor hoping she'll come back.  
  
  
  
***Meanwhile on some plane of existence. I will be making my third chapter that might be entitled: I Made You I Can Unmake You, which will hopefully be more entertaining than this chapter cause I know it wasn't that great. or was it??? Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!  
  
  
  
Upon deep contemplation I doubt it had as great of a comical impact. 0.o*** 


	3. Deep Conversation

The anime Spoof ^.^  
  
  
  
Chapter 3-Deep Conversation  
  
  
  
*** I decide to change the tittle so shoot me! I also decided to add myself in this one 0.o***  
  
Forgetting about any plot there may or may not have been in previous chapters, for some reason I am transported to some ancient place with funny looking people. I meet my bishounen Chichiri who is having a deep conversation with Mitsukake.  
  
Chichiri: No da!  
  
Mitsukake:...  
  
Chichiri: No da!  
  
Mitsukake:...  
  
Chichiri: No da!  
  
Mitsukake:...  
  
Lenore (that would be me): Uhh are you guys done here or do you need a couple more minutes?  
  
Chichiri turns around and actually notices that I exist.  
  
Chichiri: Oh hi, I was so preoccupied by that conversation that I didn't even notice you had arrived, no da!  
  
Lenore: Uh huh. sure y not. So Chiri-kun *wraps arms around blue haired dude* What are you plans for today? *said in seductive voice as I grope him*  
  
Chichiri: Ano, no da! *turns into a tomatoe. yes literally*  
  
Mitsukake slowly walks away never turning his back to Lenore.  
  
Lenore: Oh Mits, where are you going?  
  
Mits:. *runs away as fast as he possibly can*  
  
Lenore: I wonder what got into him? *sigh* Oh well I think I'll go look for Tooya, he's cuter anyway!!! Mmm Tooya. *starts fantasizing*  
  
I magically *poof* and appear back in front of my computer typing.  
  
Now try to remember past chapters.  
  
Washu had just found Ryoko and stopped dead in her tracks causing Tenchi who was following closely behind, to smash into her. They both toppled onto Ryoko. The three were jumbled together in a very questionable manner.  
  
Ryoko: *grunts in pain*  
  
Washu: *moans in discomfort*  
  
Tenchi somewhat enjoys being entangled between two women but can't allow anyone else to know for the sake of his "image". So he tries to get up by placing both hands down to push up. One hand "accidentally" lands on Ryoko's chest while the other on Washu's thigh. Then for some reason Q-San walks in.  
  
Q-San: Ahhh I'm terribly sorry, continue what you were doing. *runs out*  
  
Tenchi: Oh great now she'll think we're perverts.  
  
They slowly get out of the jumbled mess and Ryoko and Washu start yelling at each other.  
  
Ryoko: What's your problem running into me like that?  
  
Washu: It was Tenchi's fault I ran into you!  
  
Tenchi: *sigh* Oh perfect now you dragged me into this. *mopes*  
  
Ryoko: What did you want from me anyway?  
  
Washu: Why was Tenchi lying on top of you when he woke up?  
  
Ryoko: Because he accidentally landed there. Why was Tenchi drugged?  
  
Washu: Because he accidentally drank a concoction I created.  
  
Ryoko: Well then!  
  
Washu: Well then yourself!  
  
Ryoko: I will!  
  
Washu: Ok then!  
  
Ryoko: Don't ok then me!  
  
Washu: I won't!  
  
Tenchi: *sigh*  
  
Tenchi walks away from the two infuriated, childish, women. Then goes searching for Q-San to try to explain what had happened.  
  
*Big sign drops down in front of audience*  
  
Big Sign: Stick around for chapter three entitled "Untitled" See you next time on The Anime Spoof. *crappy theme show music*  
  
*** It just keeps making less and less sense. Oh what to do, what to do.*** 


	4. Untitled

The Anime Spoof ^.^  
  
  
  
Chapter 4-Untitled  
  
  
  
In the middle of nowhere appears a dining hall. In the dining hall appear all my yummy bishounens.  
  
  
  
*Poof*  
  
  
  
Tooya, Chichiri, Tenchi, Tasuki, Yuuhi, Tamahome, Inu Yasha, Hotohori, Sesshoumaru, Miroku, and Ashitaka all magically come to exist around the table. They all stand dumbfounded.  
  
  
  
Lenore: *ahem*  
  
  
  
They all look in my direction.  
  
  
  
Lenore: Please be seated... NOW!  
  
  
  
They all cower and sit down in their rightful places around the round table.  
  
  
  
Lenore: I welcome you all to the first order of 'Bishounens Distributed'.  
  
  
  
Bishounens: Nani!!!  
  
  
  
Lenore: Well you are all so kawaii that I decided all the fan-girls should have shifts with you.  
  
  
  
Bishounens: *sweatdrop*  
  
  
  
Lenore: Look at it this way. You have a choice. Either you cooperate with me or I kill you Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...  
  
  
  
Ashitaka: I choose to die a honorable death.  
  
  
  
Lenore: *panics* There is nothing honorable about it. You don't want to die. *starts sweating* I don't want to kill them they are all so cute. *mumbles to herself*  
  
  
  
Inu Yasha: I heard that! So you're not planing to kill us. Keh, I knew you were too weak!  
  
  
  
Lenore: Inu Yasha Oswari!!!  
  
  
  
Inu Yasha falls to the floor with a big *thunk*.  
  
  
  
Lenore: Now should anyone disobey me they shall pay, not with death but rather a slow continuos torture for all of time.  
  
  
  
Bishounens: EEP!  
  
  
  
Lenore: That's what I thought.  
  
  
  
Sesshoumaru: Heh wait a minute. I thought only Kagome could make Inu Yasha sit.  
  
  
  
Lenore: You fail to notice that I am your master now. I can make you do whatever I want.  
  
  
  
Sesshoumaru: Ok makes sense. Umm can I kill someone for you miss Lenore?  
  
  
  
Lenore: Cut the formalities. If your gonna kill someone you'll kill them with a spoon. And it won't be on my time.  
  
  
  
Sesshoumaru: Ano...  
  
  
  
Lenore: Anyway for today's session I only have one person on the 'I Want a Bishounen List', and that's Reana. She specifically said she wished to borrow Tasuki for this week. I have no problem with that seeing as how she's a close friend. Ok Tasuki say buh bye to all your friends, cause you are getting shipped to Reana.  
  
  
  
Tasuki: *completely afraid* Ano, Bye.  
  
  
  
Bishounens: Bye!  
  
  
  
Lenore: Good luck and don't fail on this mission understand?  
  
  
  
Tasuki: Huh... *magically poofs away*  
  
  
  
Lenore: Seeing as how no one else's name is on the list I get prime pic of the leftovers. Heh heh heh.  
  
  
  
Bishounens: Save us!!!  
  
  
  
Lenore: Hmm, who to choose who to choose. I'll take Inu Yasha, Tooya, and Chichiri. Mine all mine! I would take you too Sesshoumaru but I wouldn't want to torture you by having both you and your brother at the same time. Seeing as how there are no other takers all the rest of you can go back from where you came.  
  
  
  
All Bishounens Except Tooya, Inu Yasha, and Chichiri: *sigh of relief*  
  
  
  
Lenore: Bye!  
  
  
  
ABET,IY,aC: Bye! *they poof away*  
  
  
  
Lenore: Now for you three you're mine for the whole week. Mmmm the possibilities.  
  
  
  
Leftover Bishounens: *cowering in fear* eep...  
  
  
  
Lenore: Well we'll have some interesting adventures this week.  
  
  
  
LB: *poof beside me in front of my computer*  
  
  
  
Lenore: Mmm Bishounens *drool*  
  
  
  
Well now that they are all afraid of me they shall become my slaves for the week ^.~  
  
  
  
***Any fan girls out there if you have any suggestions as to any bishounens you would like to add to this order tell me. Also if you'd like to sign up to the 'I Want a Bishounen List' tell me which one you want or if you just want any anonymous bishounen state that as well. I'll consider what you input but I warn you I am greedy and some of my favorites might not get distributed quite so easily. So basically I have first pic. Second pic goes to Reana, and the rest of you can fight over what remains. Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! @.@*** 


	5. Coffee and Sugar and Dragons

The Anime Spoof ^.^  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 5-Coffee and Sugar  
  
  
  
*** Thank you to all who reviewed!***  
  
  
  
In a magical castle in Lodoss my three bishounen slaves, Chichiri, Inu Yasha, and Tooya are being controlled be me, of course.  
  
  
  
Lenore: Make me a big vat of coffee Inu Yasha! Chichiri get me some yummy white chocolate and Tooya pose for me so I can stare at you!  
  
  
  
Bishounens: Yes Lady Lenore. (no da)  
  
  
  
Lenore: You have all learned so well. I will award you by making these your last tasks for tonight.  
  
  
  
Bishounens: We thank you Lady Lenore. (no da)  
  
  
  
Then for some reason we hear chaos and uproar right outside the palace walls. I run to the window and the town around us is in flames.  
  
  
  
The beast that did these horrible deeds was coming closer and closer to the window in which I was peering.  
  
  
  
Then I saw it distinctly as it was flying at great speeds.  
  
  
  
Lenore: Ahhhh, It's a dragon!  
  
  
  
Bishounens: A dragon, this wasn't part of the contract. (no da)  
  
  
  
Chichiri pulls out the contract and looks at the fine print.  
  
  
  
Chichiri: Ano, it is actually, no da.  
  
  
  
Bishounens: NOOO! (no da)  
  
  
  
Lenore: Yes a dragon. A dragon the size of a fly!!!!  
  
  
  
Bishounens: Ahhh what is Lodoss coming too!  
  
  
  
Then out of nowhere appears Parn, closely followed by Deedlit. The dragon the size of a fly soars toward the hero and Parn swings his mighty sword at the dragon the size of a fly.  
  
  
  
Parn misses.  
  
  
  
Terribly.  
  
  
  
He loses control of the sword and it goes flying into the air while he trips onto the floor. The sword twirls in the air and heads for Parns heart.  
  
  
  
Deedlit: No my love I'll save you.  
  
  
  
Deedlit runs towards Parn and forms a magic barrier around him and herself. Naturally the sword is deflected.  
  
  
  
Dragon the size of a fly: Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! You have met your doom Parn. *Squeeky mouse like voice*  
  
  
  
Parn: Noooooo! You will not make a fool of me.  
  
  
  
The dragon the size of a fly torches the room and its contents except for me cause I'm special and of course the two in the barrier.  
  
  
  
Bishounens: *crispy* Eeep! (no da)  
  
  
  
Some inane child who seems to be playing enters the room. She prances around.  
  
  
  
The inane child who entered the room: La la la la la...  
  
  
  
Dragon the size of a fly: Ooh fresh bait! *squeeky voice*  
  
  
  
The inane child who entered the room: Ooh look at the pretty toy!  
  
  
  
***Yes I like to say Ooh got a problem with that!***  
  
  
  
The inane child who entered the room and thought the dragon the size of a fly was a toy *deep breath* decided to catch the 'toy'. Unfortunately she accidentally squished the dragon the size of a fly.  
  
  
  
The inane child who entered the room and thought the dragon the size of a fly was a toy and unfortunately accidentally squished the dragon the size of a fly: Oops! I killed the toy *bawls*  
  
  
  
Lenore: Well that's over with. *Sigh of relief*  
  
  
  
Parn sulked because of his lack of heroic abilities and then left with Deedlit following closely behind him.  
  
  
  
Chichiri speaking for bishounens: Since we were all burnt to a crisp must we still follow through with your previous orders, no da?  
  
  
  
Lenore: No you may do as you wish. Tomorrow your redoing this room though.  
  
  
  
Bishounens: Arigatou! (no da)  
  
  
  
The bishounens leave the crispy room. I am left alone with the remnants of the terrible beast. I cant help but think that the dragon the size of a fly was completely kawaii!  
  
  
  
Lenore: Oh well I can always make another one...  
  
  
  
***Well hope this was enjoyed by someone. I had fun writing it but I dunno if anyone enjoys reading it. Oh well ~.~*** 


	6. Hentai!

The Anime Spoof ^.^  
  
  
  
Chapter 6-Hentai!  
  
  
  
*** Thanx yet again to all my wonderful reviewers. Don't forget that if u wish to request a bishounen you may do so either through e-mail or through a review!***  
  
  
  
Me, and the wonderful bishounens, (Tooya, Chichiri, Tenchi, Tasuki, Yuuhi, Tamahome, Inu Yasha, Hotohori, Sesshoumaru, Miroku, and Ashitaka) all appear for the second order of 'Bishounens Distributed'. This time we are in a Tokyo coffee shop which is presently abandoned because I say so. This time we are sitting around a perfectly symmetrical square table, each with a cup of coffee in front of us.  
  
  
  
They all look up to me with fear in their eyes.  
  
  
  
Lenore: Welcome again to the second order of 'Bishounens Distributed'!  
  
  
  
Bishounens: *sigh*  
  
  
  
Sesshoumaru: Has it really been a week already?  
  
  
  
Lenore: Yup, in my world anyway.  
  
  
  
Miroku: A huh. I feel so lonely why doesn't anyone pick me?  
  
  
  
Lenore: If you can't figure that out by yourself that's pretty sad.  
  
  
  
Magically the Chobit Chii appears amidst us in the coffee shop. She looks around and points to me.  
  
  
  
Chii: Hideki!  
  
  
  
In turn she goes around and points to every bishounen except one and says the same thing. Then she points to the last bishounen Miroku.  
  
  
  
Chii: Hentai!  
  
  
  
Miroku: What me? No you have mistaken me for someone else.  
  
  
  
She keeps her finger pointed at him.  
  
  
  
Chii: Hentai! Hentai! Hentai!  
  
  
  
Miroku: Ano...  
  
  
  
Chii then disappears the same way that she had arrived and the red began to start fading on Miroku's face.  
  
  
  
Lenore: Anywho... Who is on my list here hmmm. Ok to Jessica goes Tasuki. For one week of course, that's the standard length and only I can change that.  
  
  
  
Tasuki: Ano... *mumbles profanities under his breath*  
  
  
  
Lenore: Ok next on the list. To Reana goes Inu-sexy. *whimpers* I love you Inu-sexy don't ever forget me... I will have you back again!  
  
  
  
Inu Yasha: Keh!  
  
  
  
Lenore: Reana also gets Yuuhi. This is your first time Yuuhi I have some words of advice. Be afraid, be very afraid!  
  
  
  
Yuuhi: *whimpers pathetically* Who is this Reana anyway.  
  
  
  
Lenore: A friend of mine. Don't worry she's just as insane as I am!  
  
  
  
Yuuhi: *gulp*  
  
  
  
Lenore: Ok and last but definitely not least me.  
  
  
  
All the bishounens shudder in fear.  
  
  
  
Lenore: Hmm who to choose, who to choose. Mmm I know. This week I shall only choose one.  
  
  
  
The bishounens both sigh out of some kind of relief and yet look scared at the same time.  
  
  
  
Lenore: Mmm... Chichiri I'll give you a break, and you too Tooya! Sess-Baby you will be mine!!!  
  
  
  
Everyone except Sess-Baby seems relatively happy.  
  
  
  
Sess-Baby: Awe F***. *pulls out his sword*  
  
  
  
Lenore: Don't even think about it lest you wish to be forever tortured by me in any which way I choose.  
  
  
  
Sess-Baby's sword was then turned into a spoon, by me of course. He then put his sword... I mean spoon away and had a terrible look of evil in his eyes.  
  
  
  
Lenore: Why are you so grumpy?  
  
  
  
Sess-baby: *growl*  
  
  
  
Lenore: If your nice I'll give you back your arm!  
  
  
  
He thought about that.  
  
  
  
Sess-Baby: No way in hell would I be nice. Specially to one as cruel as you.  
  
  
  
Lenore: *bawls* How... Could... You... Say... That... Sess-Baby?  
  
  
  
Sess-Baby: *surprised* I... I'm sorry. I'll do whatever you want just please stop crying.  
  
  
  
Lenore: *still bawling* Really?  
  
  
  
Sess-Baby: Of course, as long as you never cry again.  
  
  
  
Lenore: Promise?  
  
  
  
Sess-Baby: *sigh* I promise.  
  
  
  
My face lights up with abrupt happiness. Sess-Baby knows he's been had.  
  
  
  
Lenore: *runs over to Sess-Baby and grabs his tail and starts to cuddle it* Yay!!!  
  
  
  
Sess-Baby: Kill me now.  
  
  
  
Lenore: Why would I do that? Your soo kawaii! *Fondles tail*  
  
  
  
Sess-Baby:...  
  
  
  
Lenore: Ok then seeing as how we have no other takers for now you may all have a good week back in your normal surroundings! Bye sexy Bishounens!!!  
  
  
  
Leftover Bishounens with great relief in their eyes: Goodbye Lenore (no da)!  
  
  
  
The leftover bishounens poof back to where they had come from.  
  
  
  
Lenore: Now we are alone and you're all mine Sess-Baby!  
  
  
  
Well lets just say he looked terrified. Well beyond that actually. Maybe I should be nicer to them? Maybe I shouldn't treat them like slaves?... Nah!  
  
  
  
***Well until next time then! Hope you enjoyed it and pleas tell me what you think. Don't forget to reserve some bishounens! 0.0*** 


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